


Dear Kuroo,

by vintcge



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Fanfic, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:07:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29228202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintcge/pseuds/vintcge
Summary: cheater/ˈCHēdər/  •  nounSomeone who is in a committed relationship and breaks the trust of his or her partner by getting physically or emotionally involved with another person.//A Kuroken AU where your soulmate's name appears on your skin exactly on your 16th birthday.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Kudos: 6





	Dear Kuroo,

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651510) by [cosmogony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmogony/pseuds/cosmogony). 



> I hope you like this and if no one sees this, this entire last month I spent writing it will be SO embarrassing- oh well anyways!

Kozume Kenma didn't want to see who he would get. He didn't want to know who his soulmate was. He didn't want their name on his skin. But still, he stood there in the mirror, anxiously waiting for the clock to hit 12AM.  
In all honesty, Kenma wanted it to be over already.  
11:58PM.  
11:59PM.  
12:00AM.  
As it hit 12:00AM, Kenma quickly looked at himself in the mirror, but he didn't see a name anywhere. Why wasn't there a name? And then as he rolled up his sleeves, he saw it. The name on his wrist. Kuroo.  
Kuroo? Like Kenma's bestfriend Kuroo? No way. But then, there wasn't another Kuroo around.  
Fuck.  
His soulmate was... Kuroo.  
But then, why didn't Kuroo tell me that we were soulmates last year when he turned 16 and my name appeared?! It didn't make sense!  
So Kenma put on his shoes quickly and ran downstairs and out of the house, sprinting to Kuroo's.  
Once he made it, he gently knocked on the door, not wanting to wake up Kuroo’s parents at that hour. Kuroo quickly made his way to the door and opened it, grinning at Kenma. “Happy birthday, Ken.” 

Of course, Kenma blushed at the nickname, he always did. “H-hey Kuro. We- can I come in?” Kuroo nodded and grabbed Kenma’s hand, leading him to his room. 

After arriving, Kuroo sat down on his bed and pulled Kenma in his lap. Kuroo looked Kenma in the eyes, his expression becoming serious. “So,” Kuroo started, “Who’s the lucky girl?” 

Kenma shook his head and forced a laugh. “Lucky boy,” Kenma corrected him. 

“Yes, lucky boy.” Kuroo corrected himself.

“You.”

“Me?”

“Kuroo, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well where’s the fun in that, kitten?”

Kenma blushed again and hit him, getting off of his lap. “Kuro, really! You made me think your soulmate was some pretty girl or something! You scared me, not cool.”

Kuroo laughed and shrugged. “Where’s your mark?” Kuroo asked simply.

“My wrist.”

“Your wrist… mmm.”

“W-why? Where’s yours?”

“My chest.”

“Your chest?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it kitten?”

“I mean- yeah…”

“Alright then.”

“Can… can I see yours?”

“Why?”

“I dunno, just curious I guess?”

“No, you don’t need to.

“Kuro please?”

“Fucking hell I said no, fucking drop it Kenma. Jesus.” 

Kenma nodded instead of replying and smiled, trying to hold back tears. Kuroo sighed and softened his voice before saying, “Will you come here, Ken?”

Kenma cocked his head to show his confusion, but nonetheless he walked back over to Kuroo and sat in his lap once again. “What’s up, Kuro?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Oh shut up! You’re such an idiot…”

“I’m your idiot.”

“Well- yeah of course but- whatever.”

“Kitten.”

“Hm?”

“I want to ask if you’ll be my boyfriend.”

“Seriously?”

“Of course, Kenma.”

“Well- yeah, of course I do.”

“Now, I wanna get the other thing situated.”

“O-other thing?”

“Do you wanna live with me? I’m gonna be eighteen in a couple of months, and I’ll get everything situated and wait for you. I’ve been saving up money for us, you know? I want to live with you, I want to be around you.”

Kenma sat there in silence, surprised that Kuroo was asking him to move in. “What?” Kenma finally asked, his voice just barely above a whisper. 

“What?” Kuroo asked back, a little disappointed now. “You don’t wanna move in with me? Damn.”

“N-no! I do! I’m just surprised that you wanna- move in with… me?”

“Why wouldn’t I, Kenma?”

“Well you know… I’m not sure but-”

“Well I do, so hush.”

“Can I have time to think about it, Kuro?”

“Yeah. Of course. Just let me know when you decide. Still, happy birthday baby.”

“Thank you.”

“Mhm. You wanna stay the night?” Kuroo asked, to which Kenma replied almost instantly with a nod. “‘Course I do.” 

“Okay, want cuddles? You know I’ll cuddle the hell out of you while we lay together.” 

“I’m not against it.” Kenma replied, “But can I borrow some of your clothes? I didn’t bring any.”

“Yeah, of course you can.” Kuroo felt his cheeks light up, not thinking Kenma was gonna ask for clothes. “You can uh- borrow anything you’d like. Although, I’m bigger than you, so most of my clothes won’t fit you, kitten.” 

Kuroo got up, placing Kenma on the bed, and made his way to his closet, swiftly opening it and pulling out a black hoodie that he knew would be too big for Kenma, and threw it at him. “Put that on, you’ll look so fucking cute.”

Now it was Kenma’s turn to blush. “Jesus Kuro, okay.” Kenma removed his jacket and tee-shirt, tossing them both to the floor and pulling the hoodie on, the warmth and comfiness immediately enveloping him. “It’s really soft,” Kenma commented.

“Most of my hoodies are. Do you want some boxers?” Kuroo offered, turning back to face Kenma. “Before you say something like ‘I don’t want to take all your clothes,’ don’t. You know you can always borrow stuff from me.”

Kenma nodded, feeling reassured and asked politely for some boxers. Kuroo gave him some, and Kenma went to the bathroom and changed. After he came back, they cuddled each other and soon, Kenma dozed off, leaving Kuroo to his thoughts. 

________

Kenma came home from work, completely exhausted, and slumped onto the beige colored couch in their living room. He sighed and looked at all the unpacked boxes. “Kuro!” Kenma shouted from the couch. “Kuro, I specifically asked for you to finish unpacking the boxes, you idiot!” 

Kenma didn’t hear a reply, he only heard a creak from the kitchen. “Kuro, come on! It’s so not funny! Can you stop messing around and just get in here?!”

Kuroo sighed and walked into the living room where Kenma was seated. “Hey, kitten.” 

“Kuro, I asked you to-”

“Look look I know! I just got caught up in work and-”

“Oh, work? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“No I know, and I don’t blame you for being upset at me. I’ll unpack the rest right now.”

“No no, tell me about work Kuro!”

Kuroo shrugged, his lips forming into a sly smile. “They promoted me.” 

Kenma’s face completely lit up, forgetting about the unpacked boxes. “Oh my GOD! You got promoted?! That’s- that’s fucking amazing Kuro! What are you doing now?” 

“Well, before I wasn’t really doing much, but now I’m like- doing big stuff, you know? I’m analyzing the data and-”

As he talked, Kenma listened eagerly, happy that Kuroo was enjoying his job as an astronomer. As for himself, he was the manager of a gaming company, and he loved his job almost as much as he loved Kuroo. 

________

“Kuro?” Kenma called out after coming home to a dark house. “Kuro? Are you here?” He again heard nothing, just his own voice. Where the hell is he? He always comes home… 

Kenma fished his phone out of his pocket and slowly took a breath, trying to collect himself before dialing Kuroo’s number. Kenma waited as the phone rang, desperately hoping the other line would connect. It didn’t. So he called again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

But Kuroo didn’t answer. Of course he didn’t answer. He hates you. He’s just busy at work. He doesn’t want you. He loves you with his entire heart. He wants you dead. 

________

Kenma didn’t expect it. Hell, neither did Bokuto nor Akaashi. 

Kuroo wasn’t at work.

Kuroo wasn’t with Kenma.

Kuroo was fucking another girl.

It’s the way Kenma found out that hurts the most. 

_________

After Kenma and Akaashi got back from being at the bar, they were quite tired, but still slightly drunk. Kenma, hand in hand with Akaashi, opened the door to his home. But once again, they were greeted with darkness. Kenma was tired of it, and Akaashi and Bokuto were tired of hearing Kenma complain about it.

But although they were greeted with darkness, they weren’t alone. 

Bokuto, going with them to make sure they hadn’t gotten too drunk but not drinking himself, came in after Kenma and Akaashi, closing the door behind him. He didn’t even have the time to point out the noises coming from Kenma and Kuroo’s closed bedroom door before Akaashi, looking disgusted, let go of Kenma’s hand and slowly walked to the bedroom, simply just listening to the noises of Kuroo cheating on Kenma in their own bed. In their own house.

Akaashi rolled his eyes and looked back at Kenma, who had a pale look to his face. “Ken-” Akaashi started, before Bokuto cut him off.

“Don’t, not right now Akaashi.” 

“He’s hurting, Bo!”

“Akaashi, not now. Kenma, come here.” Bokuto wrapped his arms around Kenma, trying to make Kenma feel safe in his arms. 

“Bo… I need to f-” Akaashi took a deep breath, and started again. “I need to confront him. Now.” 

Bokuto looked at his boyfriend and then back down to Kenma, his small frame shaking in Bokuto’s arms. “Go ahead. God, how could he?”

Akaashi sighed again and shrugged, not wanting to make the situation any worse for Kenma. “I’m gonna go. He must know we’re here, I don’t hear anything anymore. Plus, we were pretty loud.”

Bokuto nodded and unwrapped the arms that were securing Kenma. “Ken, I’m gonna go with Kaashi, K? I’ll be right back, just- just stay here.” 

With that, Bokuto walked with Akaashi over to the bedroom door and braced himself for what he was about to walk into. 

Akaashi wasted no time in busting the door open and immediately shouting, “You lowlife piece of shit! Kenma has been waiting! He’s called you for days! He’s left over twenty fucking voicemails! Over fourty texts! And what are you doing?! Sneaking around behind his back, god you’re low. You’re so fucked to do that to him. To HIM, of ALL people?! God, you fucking suck! You fucking suck. You- get the fuck out of Kenma’s house. Get OUT of his house! I don’t want to hear some bullshit excuse, just get your shit, and leave. Take the bitch you’re sleeping with too.”

Kuroo just sat there, staring at Akaashi, in shock. The girl on the other hand, lowered her head in shame and nodded. “I’m sorry that I caused all of this and-”

“Shut up. Get out.” Akaashi mumbled, the tears finally spilling out of his eyes. “G-get out…” he mumbled again. Kuroo, finally back to reality, stood up.

“Where’s Ken?” Kuroo asked, his voice shaking. He was hoping that just maybe, he could save their relationship. He loved Kenma, just… Kenma wasn’t his soulmate. It didn’t make sense to him either when Kenma came over, gushing on and on about how they were meant to be and how perfect they were as soulmates on Kenma’s sixteenth birthday. Kenma’s soulmate was indeed Kuroo, that wasn’t a lie. It was right there on his wrist in permanent ink. But somehow on Kuroo’s sixteenth birthday, the name that appeared on his chest wasn’t Kenma. It was an American girls name. It was Jen. Kuroo remembered meeting an exchange student named Jen, he had just forgotten about her until her name came to be on his chest. And much to his surprise, he tracked her down at school the next day and sure enough, Kuroo had been written in permanent ink on her back. So, Kuroo had started a relationship in secret with the girl. What could he do when Kenma came over, tell him that Kenma wasn’t his soulmate? No. So he lied. And when Kenma asked to see his name, Kuroo panicked and yelled at him. But Kuroo was slick, and covered it up by asking if Kenma wanted to be his boyfriend, and if Kenma wanted to live with him. Kenma accepted, and that was that. Neither Kenma nor Jen had to know what truly happened. 

But now it’s out.

Jen knows.

Kenma knows.

Akaashi knows.

Bokuto knows.

Soon everyone will know.

Everyone will know…

I have to get out, Kuroo thought.

I have to leave.

I have to run.

I can’t do this.

But eventually Kenma will forgive me, I know it. 

_________

“Ken!” Akaashi whined, poking at Kenma’s arm, desperately trying to get his attention. “Will you at least LOOK at me and pretend you’re listening?!”

“Hm?” Kenma hummed back, looking in his direction for a split second. “Were you talking to me, Kaashi?” Kenma hummed again, only to be met by silence. “...guess not.” Kenma mumbled to himself, giving his videogame all of his attention once again. 

Akaashi groaned, giggling a little, and threw a pillow at Kenma, making him fall off of the bed due to the fact that he was too invested in the game to notice what was happening around him. 

That made Akaashi giggle harder, and Kenma started to giggle with him. “You’re such an asshole.” 

“I am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Whatever! I wanna talk to you, K?”

Kenma stopped giggling after he saw the serious look on Akaashi’s face, knowing this was a serious matter. “Okay… what’s up?”

“Look, Kenma-” Akaashi sighed before nodding and continuing carefully. “-he’s started calling you again. He’s leaving messages and he’s sending emails. Not to mention all of the voicemails racking up. It’s been four months, but if you aren’t ready to talk to him again-”

“I’m ready.”

“But- Kenma…”

“Akaashi, come on. Like you said, it’s been four months. Alright?”

“Right, but his name hasn’t disappeared off of your wrist yet.” 

“Because it’s messed up, I told you that!”

“It’s never messed up. Remember a couple months ago, when Kageyama was telling us that Oikawa’s name had disappeared and Hinata’s name came up a couple days later? Well Hinata and Kageyama are together now, Ken. It’s not messed up. I don’t want you to speak to him, and you know why. He’ll take advantage of you.”

“Well it’s my life, and as my best friend, you should be here for me.”

“I was the one that caught him cheating on you. Don’t pull that ‘you should be here for me’ shit. If Bo was here right now… he’d say the same fucking thing!”

Kenma bit his lip and stood up, ready to leave the room. “Don’t bring him into this. That’s not fair.” 

“He was MY boyfriend!” 

“And he was MY best friend, Akaashi!”

“You weren’t the one to find him like… that.”

“I didn’t say I was. And I miss him more and more everyday. So stop it. I miss Bokuto as much as you do.”

“I know. Whatever, just call him. Be careful, okay? Kuroo is manipulative.”

“I know that, Akaashi. I dated him, remember?”

“Yeah, but still.”

“I know. You know I love you, right?”

“I know, Kenma.”

“Good.”

_________

A couple days after the semi fight/conversation with Akaashi, Kenma finally had the courage to pick up the phone and dial Kuroo’s number. He felt… numb. Somehow, it was like he was back in that dark living room, listening to the sound of him being cheated on. 

Kenma felt his heart drop when he heard the line go to voicemail.

He didn’t pick up.

Why didn’t he pick up?

I thought he wanted to talk to me.

He didn’t even decline it.

Is he busy?

Is he… fucking that girl?

What’s going on?

What’s going on?!

_________

Kuroo was driving too fast to begin with. He knew it wasn’t right. He knew he should’ve been going slower. But he was on his way to see Kenma, he couldn’t take it anymore.

He should’ve heard the honking of the stupid car. He should’ve heard the shouting of the driver. He should’ve just been paying attention. But his phone rang, and he picked it up, hoping it was Kenma. And it was. But… Kuroo didn’t get to answer.

He heard a loud crash, and suddenly, everything went- 

-black.

_________

Kenma got the call about thirty minutes after he had called Kuroo. Kenma wasn’t too sure about picking it up, but nonetheless, he did. But god, he wishes he didn’t. He regrets answering that call every single day for the rest of his life.

“Kenma Kozume?”

“Yes? Who’s this?”

“Do you know a Tetsuro Kuroo?”

“...Yes?”

“Well then I regret to inform you that he passed away about ten minutes ago. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.”

“I-I’m sorry? I don’t think I heard you right?”

“He passed away, I’m sorry.”

“Um… how? If you… don’t mind me asking?” Kenma whispered into the phone, his voice cracking. Before he knew it, the tears were coming down his cheeks at an insane speed.

“He was in a car accident, and it was just- he didn’t make it.”

“...I have to go, I-I’m sorry.” Kenma said in a rushed voice before hanging up and breaking down into tears on the kitchen floor. 

And that’s how Akaashi found him an hour later. He was crumbled up into a ball on the floor, passed out with the phone in his hand. Akaashi shook the small boy awake and laughed at him, not realizing what had happened.

Kenma sat up and scowled at Akaashi. 

Unbelievable. Kuroo died and he’s laughing?!

“You’re so fucked up, Akaashi.”

“Excuse me?”

“He’s dead, and you’re laughing.”

“I-” Akaashi’s smile faded away quickly and was replaced with a scowl. “Don’t speak about Bokuto that way.”

“Not Bokuto, Kuroo.”

“Kuroo?”

“Yes, Kuroo. He’s dead.”

“He’s… dead?”

“Yes, how many times do I have to say it?! He was in a car accident, and he’s gone. He died!”

“My god, Kenma…”

“He’s gone, Akaashi…” Kenma said before bursting into tears again. This time, he had someone to comfort him. He had Akaashi. 

Akaashi slumped to the floor and wrapped his arms around the poor boy, knowing this is what Kenma did to him when Bokuto passed. 

They stayed like that, not talking, not moving, barely breathing. 

And the worst part? Kenma knew it was his fault. 

He killed Kuroo.

He. Killed. Kuroo.

_________

In the following weeks that passed, his funeral took place, as well as a bunch of grieving. In the end, Kenma decided to have his final words be written down for Kuroo, and Kenma had a lot to say to him.

_________

“Dear Kuroo,

Although you had done the unspeakable act of cheating on me with her, I still forgive you. Not because I understand why you lied to me, because that part is unclear still, perhaps it always will be. But, I forgive you because I love you. Love isn’t a word you can just throw around, and I wish I could’ve taught you that. You deserved to know how I felt about you, but sadly I won’t be able to tell you. Not face-to-face, anyway. Kuroo, when you came into my life I thought I had been saved, I thought that you were an angel coming to take me to the heavens, but now I see you were the devil. You were the devil that wrecks plans and ruins relationships and whatnot. But still, I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, and that’s saying something, It pains me to think about moving on, but eventually I must. I need to let go of all this… regret. All of this pain inside of me, but it’ll take time. You were all I needed, just as Bokuto was all Akaashi needed. We’ve both lost someone tremendous in our life, and to say it hurts would be an understatement. Kuroo, I can’t let go of the fact that I killed you. I mean, wasn’t it my fault? I called you, and then you crashed. I had distracted you, or at least that’s what Akaashi says. Oh, Akaashi and I aren’t close anymore. After your funeral, we stopped speaking and now he’s cold and turns me away when I come near. Not saying I blame him, he just pisses me off. Anyway, I thought you should know that I really do miss you. Probably more than I should, and sometimes it’s hard to think about what happened. But then again, maybe it was for the better. Your name is gone now, so I guess that means I’ve moved on, in a way. I really do wonder who will pop up next. Maybe no one at all. Maybe I’m destined to just… be alone. Maybe that’s how you wanted it to be, which is why you did it. Why did you do it. You know how sensitive I am, and yet you- you just didn’t care. You still slept with her. But I loved you still. You broke me, and yet I loved you afterwards. I still love you now, but it’s different now. I used to need you to feel like I was alive, I used to need you around me to feel like I could breathe, but now I just… don’t. It’s like Akaashi told me once upon a time, you’re manipulative. And maybe that’s why in the end, we never worked out. I wanted us too, and maybe you did too, but we didn’t. That girl, what was her name? Jan? Well, she came. To your funeral. It was really peaceful, I could tell there were no hard feelings. She misses you too, you know? We didn’t speak, but I know deep down she really did feel bad for me. Just as I felt bad for her, seeing as Bo and Kaashi were completely rude to her after that. But you know I’ve forgiven you for cheating. Maybe Akaashi hasn’t, and because I forgave you it pissed him off, and that’s why we aren’t close anymore. But I think it’s more because… he misses Bokuto. He said I always reminded him of Bo, said I say the same stuff he used to say and I laugh the same way he laughed, and he just misses him. I know he does, and I miss him too. Poor Akaashi, to be the one that found him all… you know. It really is sad, the way he passed. I mean all he was trying to do was clean out the barrel of a gun, stupid Bokuto… he never hurt a soul. He was so… genuine, you know? God, sorry. This is a letter for you. Well I guess I really should wrap it up, huh? Um… I love you. I always will and you know that. I have nothing left to say really. Yeah… I guess this is it. I love you.”

-Kenma Kozume.

**Author's Note:**

> If this didn't make sense or it was bad, I'm so sorry-


End file.
